The Royal Family of Ghana

All too often what we hear about what a snap it is to make money in the real estate biz. You never hear stories of the tenant who trashes the house. Or the one that doesn’t pay the rent for weeks or months as he manipulates the eviction court for more time. Or the broken toilet in the middle of the night.



But these things are all part of the business as well. And sometimes you just gotta laugh.



So as a means of keeping things in perspective I thought I would tell the story of my most unusual eviction. You don’t have to be in the landlord business very long before you have heard all the various excuses there are for being late with the rent. But this tenant had one of the most original stories I have heard—before or since.



As all fairy tales do, this story starts long ago and far away—in Chicago in the 80’s. I had just taken over the management of a company that had over five hundred apartments in the Chicago area and it was a mess. In the five years prior to my walking in the door they had 7 different managers. At least 5 of them were of marginal competence but the ultimate difficulty was that the owner of the company was so hard to work with that nobody would stick around long (the owner of the company and its identity shall not be mentioned in order to protect the guilty).



So I’m trying to get a handle on just how much trouble I’m in here. I ask for a delinquency report and there are almost 100 tenants who are more than 30 days late on the rent. Many of them are three or four months behind. A few were even 6 months behind. What with maintenance issues and vacancies and delinquent bills I don’t have time to deal with this. Yet I know that nothing is more important than collecting the rent. If the money don’t come in the door nothing else will work either.



Now in Illinois you begin the eviction process by serving a 5 day notice. “Serve ‘em all.” I say, “We’ll sort it out later”.



Sure enough I find an attorney who’s office is about three doors down from mine and I negotiate a cut-rate price for evictions if I let him process all of them. I’m under a lot of stress to turn this mess around and it looks a lot easier to me to just process the evictions on everybody, if they get their act together and pay, no problem. If they don’t I’ll re-rent the units.



So a day or two later I’m in my office and the phone rings and it is one of the delinquent tenants. Fairly thick afro-Caribbean accent but very polite.



“I have received from you a piece of paper which is called a 5 day notice and I do not understand what this piece of paper means.”



I explain that it means that my records show that she owes me money and is late in paying it and that the paper means that she should pay me the money within 5 days or I will begin proceedings to have her evicted.



“Well,” she says. “I am a member of the Royal Family of Ghana” (yes, you can hear those capitals through the phone). “And my husband and my children and I are here in the states while he goes to University. And there is a lot of trouble back home in Ghana. So they have had a hard time to send me the money, our stipend, so that my husband can go to the University and so that I can pay the rent.”



I explain that I am very sorry to hear of the trouble at home but I really must have the money, that my mortgage holder is not going to accept political turmoil in Africa as an excuse if I cannot make the mortgage payment.



“Yes, yes,” she says, “I can understand that is the case. I will call home to Ghana to my Uncle who is the Minister of Finance and tell him that we must have the stipend but I do not see how the money can be here in five days.”



“No problem”, I say, “if you do not have the money in five days I will begin the process of eviction. I will send the paperwork to the attorney and he will file the eviction case. You will owe me the costs of my attorney and the filing fees for filing the eviction but you can pay me even after the 5 days are up.”



“Oh”, she says brightly “you are such a nice man. I am going to go and call my Uncle the Minister and talk to him about getting the money.”



So several weeks go by and I don’t hear anything from the lady until one day I am in my office and the phone rings and it is that same accent.



“I have received a piece of paper which is called a summons and I do not understand what this piece of paper means.”



So I explain that the summons means that the eviction suit has been filed and that she must go to court on the day of the hearing and tell the judge if she owes the money and why she has not paid.



“Well,” she says. “I am a member of the Royal Family of Ghana” (yes, the capitals are still there). “And my husband and my children and I are here in the states while he goes to University. And there is a lot of trouble back home in Ghana, much trouble, there is violence in the country side. So they have had a hard time to send me the money, our stipend, so that my husband can go to the University and I can pay the rent.”



“Yes”, I say “I remember” (Its not every day, after all, that one gets to talk to royalty). “But my banker says that I must pay the mortgage even if the entire government of Ghana should collapse.”



“Yes, yes,” she says, “I can understand that is the case. I will call home to Ghana to my Uncle who is the Minister of Finance and tell him that we must have the stipend but I do not see how the money can be here before the date of the hearing.”



“No problem”, I say, “if you do not have the money by the date of the hearing then you must go to court and ask the judge for more time. But he will not give you much time. Two weeks, four weeks at the most. But if you pay me the money before the date then we will not have a problem.”



“Oh”, she says brightly “you are such a nice man. I am going to go and call my Uncle the Minister and talk to him about getting the money.”



“That is a very good idea,” I say.



So I don’t hear anything for a long time. The date of the hearing comes and goes. The judge gives her two weeks. One day I am in my office and the phone rings. You got it, same lady.



“I have received a piece of paper which is called a Judgment and I do not understand what this piece of paper means.”



So I explain that the Judgment means that the time for her to move out of the apartment has come and gone and the judge has ordered that sheriff should bring people to her apartment and remove her belongings from the apartment so that possession of the premises will return to me.



“Well,” she says. “I am a member of the Royal Family of Ghana” (the capitals, I think are beginning to get a little shaky). “And my husband and my children and I are here in the states while he goes to University. And there is a lot of trouble back home in Ghana, much trouble, there is violence in the country side. So they have had a hard time to send me the money, our stipend, so that my husband can go to the University and I can pay the rent. But we have a plan for raising the money. We are going to sell the crown jewels of Ghana so that they can send me the money. But I do not see how the money can be here soon.”



“No problem”, I say, “It is currently taking the sheriff about 4 to 6 weeks to process eviction orders. If you sell the crown jewels before that time and you come and pay me the money then I will tell the sheriff not to put your things out in the street. But if you do not pay me before the day the sheriff gets there then he is going to put your things out and you and your children will not have any place to live.”



“Oh”, she says brightly “you are such a nice man. I am going to go and call my Uncle the Minister and talk to him about getting the money.”



So I don’t hear anything for several weeks. One day I am in my office and the phone rings.



“I have received a piece of paper and I do not understand what this piece of paper means.”



So I ask her about the piece of paper and it is a postcard from the sheriff’s office saying that they will be there to do the eviction the next day.



“Well,” she says. “I am a member of the royal family of Ghana (the capitals are mostly gone this time) And my husband and my children and I are here in the states while he goes to University. And there is a lot of trouble back home in Ghana, much trouble, there is violence in the country side. So they have had a hard time to send me the money, our stipend, so that my husband can go to the University and I can pay the rent.”



“Yes, I remember that part of the story clearly”, I say, “But weren’t you going to sell the crown jewels so that you could pay the rent?”



“Oh you do remember,” she says brightly. “So my sister has taken the crown jewels from Ghana to Switzerland and she has sold the crown jewels and she has the money for the rent. But my sister cannot be here by tomorrow. She has some diplomatic events she must attend in Geneva while she is in Switzerland and then she must stop in London for a state dinner and then she must stop in New York at the United Nations, you know when you are a member of the Royal Family of Ghana (the capitals are back, firm and strong) you have these diplomatic obligations and it can be very inconvenient. But she has the money and she is on her way to Chicago to bring it to you.”



“Well,” I say, “I am so happy that your sister is in Switzerland of all places because they have very good banks in Switzerland. And your sister can go into any one of those banks and she can wire transfer the rent money to my account here in the states and the money will be here overnight. Let me give you my ABA routing number so that she can arrange the wire transfer.”



Needless to say the wire transfer did not arrive and that is how I blew my chance to become a Knight in Ghana.