My Husband Doesn't Want Anything To Do W/REI
I have a very big desire to success in this business, but my husband thinks it has too much risk involved. He does "what if" all the time...what if someone slips in our property and sue you, what if someone was bit by some sneak in our property and sue you, and "what if" goes on and on. He doesn't know anything about REI...though.
Since he doesn't want anything to do with REI, can we legally separate our liability even we are married. I was told that I can put our properties in LLC and my husband can quit claim so that he doesn't have to have any liability IF something goes wrong. Is this true? Or is there any better way?
I am sure everyone on this site has very big compassion toward REI...but I am sure one of your loved one (parents, friends, or spouse) was not very supportive. I am not letting anyone take my dream away!!! I want to help out my parents very badly.
Anyways, please give me some advice about this issue...
Thank you in advance,
PSU
Being that you are community property state, I would not think so. I will defer to someone who lives in CA and knows CA law.
You could always get an umbrella policy to cover you if someone fell.... I have one...
But back to your question, I would think that your spouse's buy in would be very important because REI is not easy.
Good luck
If aset protection is a big issue for him, then I'd suggest that you read "Wealth Protection Secrets of A Millionaire Real Estate Investor" By William Bronchick. It will outline several methods that you can use to do this.You can separate and protect your personal assets, and most likely keep him out of any litigation as well.
This busines will be hard without his support, and harder still if he fights you all the way.
Generally though if you start making some $$'s, I believe that he'll come around. If you decide that you're going for this with or without his support, make sure that you pay enough attention to him so he doesn't resent your rei career for taking you away from him.
Best of luck to you, and much success with all,
Jeff
CA as is community property state, but I have seen "Jane Doe, a married woman as her sole a separate property" As a title vesting, So it looks like if the husband signs a consent, it can be done.
There are many ways to segregate assets and liabilities.
If this is going to cause a major stress in the relationship, is it worth it?
See if you can talk him into going to one of your local REI Association meetings and, during your networking portion of the meeting, see if some seasoned investors can shed some light on his concerns. Good Luck.
Dave
[addsig]
Yes it is true we live in a Community Property State which is really a great thing. I mean ask any of my ex wives.
Of course if you wish to fudge the edge what you do is "Paper the Occasion." This works even in Ramona one of my favorite places.
You hold title as a married woman, sole and seperate. Your charming but doubting husband signs a Quit Claim Deed and all this good stuff is recorded. You should of course carry a Liability Policy on any of your properties. This slows down the lawsuits. Yes we are a Litigous state. Oh god how I miss Spell Check.
I have in the jpast been married to ladies who felt that my interest in real estate was an abomination and took too much of my time. They much prefered I merely write scripts, play with the children and hang out around the house. This was of course in the beginning. But as time went on and their desires for a higher level of living emerged, they allowed me to do what we call laughingly, "Play in the Dirt."
I gather from your writings that you are from somewhere other then this great State filled with Fruits and Nuts. Perhaps your husband needs a little more time to adjust to the crazy and insane way of life. You might ask his advice on an occasional matter. I am sure it will be negative, but as time goes on he may become interested and then of some assistance to you. You might let him hold a check that you receive on some future profitable occasion. That worked for me.
The best, for you. Lucius 8-)
My guess is that your husband has fears about the business that are much deeper than he's telling you. The odds of the scenerios you discuss are slim indeed and thats what they make insurance for. But I suspect that the risks he's worried about have nothing to do with snakes or falls. Try to find out what they are. It may be as simple (and as complex) as the fear of the unknown.
Otherwise you might try birdoging a deal or two. Or even a quick flip. Bring home a big check and my guess is that the fears will be right out in the open real quickly.
My husband too does not have an interest in real estate. Not due to fear of law suits...just would prefer to keep his life simple. When we got married a year ago, we decided then that I would do REI and he would not. I already owned several homes when we got married. He just is not interested and says that "REI is my bailywiick, not his". He does not even discuss RE with me. My RE business is mine and his business is his. It works for us. Just make sure you keep insurance on your properties.
[addsig]
That's what corporations are for. Always put your properties in some kind of entity and your all set.
There are countless ways to shield and protect yourself from liability. LLC's, FLP's, CRT's, trusts, insurance, umbrella policies, etc, etc, etc.....
commercialking is right on. You need to get to the root of it. Sometime when everyones defenses are down, have a conversation something like this:
(You) "so if we could protect ourselves reasonably against liability, then would you have any other concerns about getting involved in real estate?
(Him) "that's impossible...."
(you) "but if we could would you have any other concerns?"
(him) bla bla bla
(you) if we could take care of that, would you have any other concerns?"
(him) no
(you) so if we can protect ourselves against liability and _________ then you'll feel that RE is ok to do....is that right?
I think you'll find that his real concerns have to do with his ideas of how money does and does not work. I'd ask him if he'd be willing to read a book....if he says yes, get him "rich dad, poor dad".
Finances are a big part of marriage. If you don't have them under control, it could break up the 2 of you, and RE is not worth that much.
Get to the bottom of it. His concerns are not just about liability.
One should approach the aspect of Real Estate with great care with ones Spouse.
Many countless years ago I got divorced and decided that perhaps my ex wife had a smidgin of reason in her hate for my Real Estate Activities. So I decided to test the matter. I announced that I woud be gone for two years having this terrible desire to look upon the world without being shot at.perhaps to reexamine the world without any hostile intent. So i gave her my retirement estate. Consisted of 10 single family houses and two rather nice 60 unit apartment houses. I showed her how the mortgages just had another ten years to go and at that time she could then draw a really great income and lead the good www.life.In the meantime the properties kicked off about $2,500 a month and that would keep Chtlens and Gravey on the table. Her girlfriend agreed, thats the one that drove the 18 wheeler and could spit tobacco farther then any Arkansan I have ever met.
I left and enjoyed the world for two years or so, then returned and called on my ex wife, and her paramour of the 18 wheels. Guess what? They never made any mortgage payment, just collected the rents until the bank foreclosed and put a stop to that. His and Her Jags, matching VW bugs and a house which still holds the record for bad tast and that here in LaLa land where we are really good at it.
The Morale: If they say that they do not like Real Estate, well, sometimes it is true and at that point they destroy it.
A lesson learned. Never hang around with the driver of an 18 wheeler. Male or Female. To them Real Estate is just something you drive on thru.
The End. Cry Cray Lucius
8-) 8-)
Girlfriend, PSU, the only advice I can give is the obvious... We must handle our men with kid gloves. First, you must discuss with him his real concerns because his "what ifs" would more than likely never come to fruition. find out what his real issues are and address those. I'm sure your husband really wants to see you succeed, even if it means he has to sep outside of his comfort zone. You just have to help coax him out of it. Good luck and you go, girl!
I am probably one of the younger members on the board (24) and have tried to get several members of my family involved in REI. The majority of them are middle class and all have the same #1 fear that holds them back.
Fear of failing
Even once you get passed the liability part (easy to shield your personal assets) the underlying obstacle will be most people are afraid to make a mistake. This reason alone has kept many people from even reading an REI book because they say “its too hard” “I cant do that” etc…
In America we are all about competition and winning. Failure happens. How we learn from our mistakes and re-attack our goals is what makes us great or just like everyone else.
My spouse (who am I divorcing) is and probably will forever be in a middle class mindset. Got to school – get a good job – work for 40yrs – retire. She has no aspirations of making money beyond what she gets paid by employment. She does not realize that one person can only make so much. Especially one with limited education.
Risk is dangerous because risk = failure to these people.
I believe in myself and I believe in others who prove themselves to be honest. REI is a business where honest people thrive in. I like that. I sold cars and furniture before I joined the military and to make money I felt I had to use deceitful tactics, which were not of my character. In RE and REI the more honest you are the more business you earn and the more money you are capable of making honestly.
One main problem I had with my spouse want so much the REI time, it was execution of proper budgeting, spending habits and general financial goals. No matter how much more money I made she managed to spend more and more.
Then when confronted about her spending habits, would blame me for the overwhelming burden of debt. It caused great strain and despair for me. When the divorce is final I have a new deal I am trying to work in Southern California. But my hands are tied as far as REI until then.
I think my young mind led me to believe that two people could love eachother and they could do okay….the truth is love and respect is needed.
It seems your husband respects you enough to allow you to investigate and even make deals on your own. I would try showing him what is possible with RE and REI. Even if he is a simple man he can see his children will be better for it, his family and his community. Show him the possibilities and get him motivated for sheer joy of helping others while helping your family honestly without tricks, lies or get rich quick schemes.
Once he realizes how much it can improve both your lives and how it can bring you closer together I don’t see why any loving spouse would not only be supportive but also willing to help as much as possible.
You could always just find a new husband!
I'm just getting started, reading everything I can, vsiting this cite every chance I can. I have not made any deals yet. My wife and I are looking to buy our first home. She is mostly concerned about the house we are going to be living in; however, I see numerous oppurtunities for investments in my area? She is hostile to RE. She thinks that it is dangerous and pulls all the "what ifs" out of the bag whenever we talk about it too?
What is the best way to convince her otherwise?
I put each of my properties in a separate LLC (cranked out by our RE attorney for nearly nothing) and have a $5M umbrella liability policy that I pay a few hundred per year for (just in case someone gets past the LLC). I sleep well at night, at least as far as worrying about what happens if someone slips and falls on my property. My wife and I work as a team to find the deals, analyze and close them. It works well if both of you are onboard and excited about it. If one is really dragging their feet about it and concerned, it's probably a great way to kill your marriage.
The bigger challenge (IMHO) in REI is finding good properties/financing that you can make cashflow (I am in for the longhaul investments, not flipping, etc).
YMMV.
Good luck!
DFENS
JonathanB,
There is no best way.
If she is open to reading a bit let a book educate her. There are different ones so it depends on what she would want to read. My wife happens to be reading one of the RDPD books.
You could do some deals as a birddog or other where you are not taking risks. Once a few deals are done and you can show here what the investor did with place you found she will have some hard facts. Some folks are motivated by the money they did not make rather then seeing an opportunity and taking action.
You could get her around others who are like her but already made the leap. If you know any investors and their wives are supportive (or are the ones driving the deal) that will help.
If you want to stay married do not push. Educate.
John
[addsig]
First, Get A NEW Husband. This one will never let you have the "Good Life". Just kidding.
There is no better place to make money than in REI. Tell you husband that someone can sue you even if own or don't own a house. In CA I have gotten sued when it wasn't even my fault. I won, but it caused me a great deal of expense. PS I didn't own a property then.
I've been sued when now that I own real estate and I like it better this way.
You do it and work hard at it, don't let anyone and I mean anyone stop you. Believe me he (your husband) will be looking for the first sign of trouble or a mistake you make. If you make a mistake, learn from it, prevent it from happening again and continue forward.
Good luck and go for it!!!!!!!!!!
Dearest psu,
Dump him! I am available and I invest in Stockton.
Prenuptially yours,
Ed
Do not do it behind his back. Having a good relationship with him is more important than making money in REI.
I would suggest talking to him, and comming to an agreement that if you can find a deal with relativly no risk, that he would let you do it.
It might be a good idea to get a trainer, or someone who has done this a lot tohelp you limit your risk. I never take risk in REI. Every deal I do if guarenteed prior to me doing it.
I totally understand where you are coming from! I have been talking about REI, reading books, taking courses for three years and Hubby is number one problem. Too afraid of having 'debt'. I have been watching a house in the next town for two years that wouldn't sell. Price is now in half. Owner is sick of it. It is a pig sty. He is willing to do a "free" six month lease option for me to purchase at the end of six months. Gives me time to do facelift (all major work is done) and rent out with no money out of pocket. Hubby actually looked at the house(I almost fainted). His concern is no renters after it is cleaned up.(I have no fear). Also financing after lease option is over. Morale of the story? Read those books, interenet sites till he's sick of seeing them and find a deal he can't resist. He'll eventually see the light. :-D
PSU
Wow, my impression about the caliber of people on this site has just soared. I am very glad to see that most of the people that replied told you one basic truth, REI is not more important than your relationship. On a website like this, it is very easy to become negative and "hate" on anybody against REI so I am heartened to see the wonderful responses so far.
My 2 cents: REI is risky .... but so is crossing the street. There is no reward without risk. I would acknowledge your spouses fears, do not belittle them. Let him know you see his point and you appreciate his bringing these things to your attenetion. Then, together, let the two of you figure out how best to avoid them.
So you can sued? Find a good, honest Lawyer (contradiction of terms, HA!)and develop a relationship.
Someone slips? Put your property in an LLC for protection.
Fear of too much Debt? Buy only properties on Subject-to or that can sell quickly.
REI is very subjective, but so is life. I alos have all these fears that your spouse has, but I try to convince myself to go on despite them.
Your husband will come around, but I think your greatest line of attack would be to make him realize how much you want to do this and how you can't do it without him. Don't make him feel that with or without him you will go ahead. That will only make him dig in his heels and you both will be the worse for it.
Good Luck.
JS