Fear of Success = Self Sabotage
I have been having a problem lately and I think it’s something that needs to be addressed here as well. I have seen several of my deals fall through at the last minute. Why? All of these deals could have been saved, but were not. After sufficient research I have seen that my problem is self sabotage. I took to the internet and the book stores. I did research on this subject until I felt I fully understood it. I feel like I must share what I have found. There are several reasons people sabotage themselves….
1) Fear of losing what you have. No one wants to be that story we all hear about losing everything on one, two or a continuous string of bad deals.
2) Fear of being punished for being successful by friends and family. The fear that your family and friends will be jealous or treat you differently because of the money.
3) Fear that you will not be able to maintain the success and therefore embarrass yourself, friends and family.
4) Fear of losing your personal identity. We’ve all heard the saying that money changes everything and we may fear that it will change us for the worse.
5) Fear of being suddenly overwhelmed with cash flow. Yeah, I know it doesn’t make much sense but if you really focus you can feel that tingly feeling in your chest when you think of having that first $20,000 profit deal.
6) Fear of losing your position with your friends and family. Everyone knows that family member who is successful but nobody wants to be around them. They could be a jerk, gloat, brag or otherwise make other members feel less important.
7) Fear of the responsibility that success demands. Maybe we think that we cannot handle the task? After all maybe we’ve never taken on something this big before. We have just learned that success is really possible and that’s scary.
8) Fear that if you succeed, people will only want your money and not care about you. This is a biggie, but can be classified with a couple of the others in that…we don’t want to loose who we are. We may see that money is just a tool and nothing more, but others may not and we could become “that guy with the big pocketbook” instead.
9) Fear of the unknown. The biggest of all, and yet the easiest to answer. By addressing this fear we can answer all the others. We actually do not know what is out there. We are taking a road we have never traveled before. We don’t know the potholes, the troubles, the side roads. Lucky for us we have friends with a map.
I would like to add that in my situation, I was scared of all of these. I had forgotten that as I travel down this road I am learning how to deal with the pot holes. My frame of mind is changing. I can honestly say that in my current state of mind that success would be fleeting, so I am always on the lookout for information. A problem well defined is halfway solved. Once I knew what it was that was stopping me, it was fairly easy to overcome. I could finally see that as I learn I will no longer see things the same way. My views will become different and I can stay grounded. Money only takes over if you let it. I decided that I need to stop trying and guess the future. Success or failure was dictating to me how things were going to be. It was time I took my life back.
Sounds cheesy I know, but it’s a proven in sales day after day that “fear of loss, hope to gain” rules every decision we make. That’s how they sell you. These fears are played on by the people you see, meet, talk to, the commercials you see on TV, billboards, everywhere you look. I would say to those experiencing this same problem to realize that you are looking at the future with today’s eyes. The knowledge to deal with these issues will come to you in time. Don’t fear, learn.
I wanted to share this with you so that maybe I can help someone else overcome their fears and face life head on.
"...you are looking at the future with today's eyes. The knowledge to deal with these issues will come to you in time. Don't fear, learn."
Oh, how true that is--whether you're talking about real estate or life itself.
Bravo!
Steena,
FEAR....can also be a motivating force. Think about this.."Fear" makes you move, makes you grow..or Stops you dead in your tracks.
You nailed it in #9.."'DO NOT KNOW WHAT'S OUT THERE'"..that's what makes it so "EXCITING"...
Great writing "Steena " I'm taking your..".a problem well defined is halfway solved.." and I will offer this to you in return.."TRUST In Your Own Untried Capacity.." AND..." I (your name ) Am Entitled To The Success And Wealth MY Efforts Create..
Thank You for your imput,
David (mcldavid)
Forget fear. It's all about the money. $$Money$$. Success is not to be feared...I don't see how this can be scary....I find it exciting.
Nice to meet you Steena,
Understanding is the half way to recovery. You've obviously done a good job!
You did a great job identifying your problem; thanks for sharing.
If anyone wants to really jumpstart their business life, may I recommend a personal coach. This woman is amazing. She coaches by phone and the results that her clients are seeing are phenomenal. Her name is Anita Law. She has a website: www.dare-dreamers.com. On the site she offers a free initial consultation.
Get "Taming the fear monster" by Ron LeGrand's brother.
Pardon me, but Oprah doesn't live here...get real...and get up to bat so you can take some swings. Historically only 2-5% of society truly feels worthy of success, wealth, prosperity...
While I am very glad that you do not have this problem...some of us may find it a little hard to get up to bat if you keep invisioning the ball smashing your skull in. Everyone has a phobia of some kind, and I thought this one would fit in well here. What good is all this excellent information...if you cannot use it?
If only 2-5% of people feel worthy....why not try and improve the odds? We all deserve it but not everyone knows it. We each have different approaches and I am happy that yours works so well for you. Thank you for your input.
With the greatest of respect,
Steena
I think what everyone should understand about the above commentary is that Knowledge combats fear. Fear is a beast that can be tamed with the right training. You need to learn what you are afraid of before you can train the fear though. Fear is not a bad thing if you can train it to do your bidding.
Isn't it funny how money creates so many different emotions? Whether you have it or not everyone wants more, more, more!!
The best book that has remedied my fear has been Og Mandino's all time best seller, "The Greatest Salesman in the World" I have been recommending this to my friends and family for years. And I have been a devoted fan of Og Mandino in action. I read his book daily and one quote comes to mind:
Scroll 9 reads "My procrastination which has held me back was born of fear and now I recognize the secret mined from the depths of all courageous hearts. Now I know that to conquer fear I must always act without hesitation and the flutters in my heart will vanish. Now I know that action reduces the lion of terror to an ant of equanimity. I will act now." There is more great information like this on Og Mandino's web site. Check it out at http://www.ogmandino.com. Tons of great Og Stuff!
Testimony: Living with Og each day has really turned around my thought processes from self doubt, being self - absorbed in my own problems, to becoming interested in the needs of others who are really suffering. Making my problems appear to be not as important. It takes the focus from "Oh poor me, I can never get anywhere in life" to "How can I take what I know right now, and make a difference in someone's life today!" Don't fear the success that is rightfully yours to accept. Just know that by allowing your actions to control your thoughts you will succeed, You Will Succeed! If you haven't read the book, start today pick up a copy and absorb it into your life.
Many thanks and best wishes in your journey towards success.~ OgFan