Outrageous Broker Claims
I have been meditating for the last few days on the comments that real estate brokers put on their listing sheets.
This all started because of a very enthusiastic but very inexperienced young sales agent who is trying hard to get my business and must be saying up all night combing the MLS for properties. So the other day she brought me a group of 10 potential commercial/industrial properties.
Of course in addition to the standard listing information each of these listing sheets had the comments section where the listing broker could write a few words attempting to make his property stand out from the 15.000 other listings in the Chicago MLS.
Apparently my young agent took those comment sections seriously because when we met to go over the leads she pointed them out to me as serious reviews of the properties.
Of course being the curmudgeonly old man that I am I had stopped reading the comment sections of such things years ago on the grounds that most of them are completely bogus. Do you know the old joke, “How can you tell when the listing broker is lying to you?” answer: “His lips are moving.”
None-the-less the young agent caused me to look at these comment sections with fresh eyes and I found them absolutely hilarious.
My personal favorite among the group was "Bring your user occupants or investors!!!!"
Now maybe I just spent too much time in graduate school but what does this phrase mean? I mean who other than a user occupant or an investor would buy a 30,000 square foot industrial building? Is this not pretty much the same as saying "show this to anybody you think might be interested"?
Another favorite was “High-profile free-standing building” which at least appears to say something until I realized from the address that it is located at the back of a pretty seedy old industrial park where all the buildings are free-standing. Then I notice that two more of the listing sheets had the same phrase. Thinking that I had found a new buzz word or something I looked closer. Each of these properties were listed by the same broker who apparently thought that High-profile free-standing building” was a very powerful description because he included it in every property he listed— pretty much regardless of the location or condition of the property.
Which got me thinking about other outrageous broker-speak I have read over the years. Of course the #1 most outrageous has to be "Great Cash Flow" attached to a building which was 100% vacant. Perhaps somebody can explain to me how a building without income can have cash flow? Or perhaps the broker is convinced that negative cash flow is a good thing, so lots of it must be a Great thing?
Anyway, I thought I would start this thread of "most outrageous broker phrases you have heard". What the heck-- it might be good for a few laughs anyhow.
So come on, TCI community. Help me out here. What comments on listing sheets (or other situations) have you read or heard that struck you as either completely meaningless or utterly false?
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