REI Has Destroyed My Relationship
I did a post awhile back titled "my other half makes it impossible to become a success" Just to follow up my dreams are still to become a owner of multi units and to fix up rehabs. My other half has said I'm obsessed, and that I spend every waking moment trying to figure ways to live cheaper and ways to create extra income to fuel this dream. She says I'm so obsessed that it takes time away from our relationship and that she can't deal with it anymore. This blows my mind. No matter how I go about it I cannot make her understand that this is all for the greater good of our future. I believe in the back of her head she doesn't think it is for real. (yes I've showed her the figures but to no further understanding on her part) I laugh when I think about the situation like this, Its hard enough to build an empire out of nothing, very hard. But its even harder when your other half is always putting you down and telling you, you can't do it. Despite everything I continue to keep building. I will one day make it to the top, but I believe it will be without her. Ya I might be obsessed but I can't think of anything better to be obsessed about. Sigh... I wish we could both be obsessed about it.
Hello Gyva,
unfortunally people are programmed from birth about risk factor. REI are a special breed. some want the 9 to 5 and are happy with wages. Her dreams seem to be different than yours. It's hard to "show me the money" without any support or backing. I wish you luck on your endeavers, and don't give up your dreams.
Marv
PS. have you ever tried to show her this forum and see people do this everyday?
lol... funny you say that, shes also anti-computer.....
Just a thought ...
When was the last time you took your "other half" out to dinner to a place that person would enjoy and did not discuss anything about real estate and "fix up rehabs"?
When did you buy your "other half" a nice birthday present for all the times they washed your dirty rehab clothes?
Cheryl Lopez
Mountain Home AFB. Oh my god. Of course you have a problem. I was stationed there. Lets see that was my first marriage. I bought a doggy house and fixed it up. better then living in the trailer. My wife lovely British Lady could not stand the area and could not stand me as all my off duty time I worked on that house so it would be outstanding and the happy life would then ensue. I finished the house we moved in. Lots of Modernistic furniture. Charles Ames Big Chair and Ottoman.Knolls Table. etc. etc. Really nice.
One week latter I was on my way to the Far East. We sold the house made a killing and she went back to England and I went to the Philippines to chase HUKS and meet Ramon Maksaysay er whatever and my life changed. She married my best friend and I got out of the service and have played with real estate ever since. My best friend, lovely human being sent me a picture of their marriage. I sent him a picture of a lovely Philippine girl sans clothes. He sent me back a telegrame offering to trade. I declined.
So you see the world can change. Besides I learned to eat a Baloot.
Oh the times they are changing.
Cheers Lucius
Mike, I remember reading your posts from before and know that you will get a lot of responses this time as well. I will agree with the previous post that you should not be "obsessed" about REI or anything else other than your closest personal relationships, but it is good that you are excited, even after this length of time in dealing with your wife who seems to be negative. I was wondering what you have done already in RE and will look for your reply. There is one thing that could change your situation. Find one good solid deal, make a good load of money and drop 500 to 1000 dollars in her lap and tell her she has 72 hours to spend it or she will have to give back what she doesn't spend. I know that she is a spender, and she knows that you are a saver, but I think by her seeing that you would be willing to give her money to spend from your dealings with RE, I think she wouldn't be as negative. Please bounce that next deal idea on this board and accept the advice of others to help make it a profitable deal.
Mike
Well, Gyva, I'm going to chime in with some different thoughts. Might be a bit painful...
I don't like saying this, but there is always the possibility that the two of you may not have quite enough in common.
Now don't get me wrong - I'm not saying to throw the towel in, but YOU know in your heart what is, and what isn't, so to speak. It's just something you have to figure out on your own.
Many things factor into this, such as her age (many young people just don't get it), background (has she had to struggle to make ends meet, or was she brought up with finances handed to her?), and of course, the basic bond between the two of you.
But don't despair even if things are/get rough. I'm the best example of life turning around - I broke up with my "other half", but through some persistent friendship on his part, we've become better friends, are communicating better than we ever have, and it looks like we are getting back together - and hope to really work at life, together.
I thought HE was obsessed with money, but understand where he is coming from SO much better now.
Try to communicate with her, keep working at the creative REI, and follow where life leads you.
Thats just it, I'm still trying to save the money to make my first deal. I have found tri plexes and 4 and 5 bedroom houses all for under $5000 each and no strings attached no liens or back taxes!!!!! NO KIDDING. I have no good credit, I have a score of about 501 and I own my own home which is on a repayment program and I have a payment of $986.00 a month I barley make that at my job so I don't have a dime to go towards REI, but after work I work on 4 wheel drives and I restore them to sell. This is where I'm at right now I got a 71 GMC JIMMY about half finished I need about $1000.00 more to finish then it'll sell between $5000 and $8000 depending on how it looks when finished. She gets upset that when I get home I go right back to work, but we have our nights outs, I just can't sit around on the couch all day and watch tv with her, I got to be productive. I'm new to this bird dogging thing. Is my findings of these cheap cheap properties worth anything to anyone, I believe that is how it works right? someone finds these properties for someone else for a fee????? I hope I answered you question Mike...
Mike
Well I am just trying to maybe get a women's side on this issue.
Sounds like you are trying to get things going on REI on your fist deal. I thought you were doing several fix up rehab places continuously and that your wife was fed up on all the rehabs.
Women generally like to decorate a house. May be on a fixer place you are looking at to involve her opinion on and ask her:
1) What color do you think would look best the walls and exterior?
2) What color of carpet & lino do you think would you like to place in the house?
A woman always has an opinion and love to give it ... so go ahead and ask her opinion for decorating ideas on the fixing rehab homes you are looking at.
Cheryl Lopez
Yup that was my plan if I could ever get to that point, I know she likes to paint and would love to give her opinion. But ya thats exactly how I was going to include her, but this has one problem the properties I buy are going to be half a country away. I'm going to have to travel to fix these places up for re sale or rent, and she won't be willing to go with me....
Mike,
It sounds like you are making this awfully hard on yourself. Are you unable to find properties closer to you? (Or were you exaggerating about how far away they are?)
Good luck and keep plugging. That CASH in her LAP ought to change her mind!
Beth
no I'm not kidding I will have to travel 1500+ miles to get to the properties and live in them while I fix them up..... Its worth it, all in the name of freedom!!!!!
Mike...
Is that the best way to start off? I have often heard one should try to start off closer to home if possible. You have more to lose if the deal doesn't work out for whatever reason.
clegg
These properties are $2000 to $5000 each!!!!!! at worst I can rent them out and make my money back in a short amount of time. For the price these deals can't be beat. some are ready to move into with minimal cleaning......
Ok Mike. Have you tried the sub2 route? How are you going about getting into your first property? There are ways you can do this without using a lot of funds. Please post here.
You are buying these outright for 2K to 5K and then planning on some rehab? How much do you expect to get out of it once it is fully updated? If there is enough of a profit margin, why not hire some help? Your girlfriend/wife wants you to spend more time on her and this way you won't have to be away from home too long.
I am no pro but just a thought.
clegg
what is the sub 2 route??? I have not heard about this... I don't think.
Lucius, My wife is a Filipina but I could never eat baloot.
Quote:
On 2004-07-31 20:10, Lufos wrote:
Mountain Home AFB. Oh my god. Of course you have a problem. I was stationed there. Lets see that was my first marriage. I bought a doggy house and fixed it up. better then living in the trailer. My wife lovely British Lady could not stand the area and could not stand me as all my off duty time I worked on that house so it would be outstanding and the happy life would then ensue. I finished the house we moved in. Lots of Modernistic furniture. Charles Ames Big Chair and Ottoman.Knolls Table. etc. etc. Really nice.
One week latter I was on my way to the Far East. We sold the house made a killing and she went back to England and I went to the Philippines to chase HUKS and meet Ramon Maksaysay er whatever and my life changed. She married my best friend and I got out of the service and have played with real estate ever since. My best friend, lovely human being sent me a picture of their marriage. I sent him a picture of a lovely Philippine girl sans clothes. He sent me back a telegrame offering to trade. I declined.
So you see the world can change. Besides I learned to eat a Baloot.
Oh the times they are changing.
Cheers Lucius
Gyva, if it sounds too good to be true....
Seriously, there has to be a reason the local people aren't snatching up all those great $2000 and $5000 houses. I suspect your wife is right in this particular instance.
I had the winning bid at an auction a few weeks ago, 2 houses for $3,750. I wasn't disappointed when it was rejected. 5 fairly competent local rehabbers were there and $3750 was the top offer, and it wasn't a great deal at that price. I do nearly all the labor myself and have arrangements for substancial discounts for what i do have to hire out, so can bid a bit higher than some others. The owner wanted 4k each says the properties are ready to be rented a real money making oppertunity. HAHA.
If an out of towner with limited funds and a newbie rehabber at that thought he could make money on them...well, it would be very very ugly for him.
I'd try to call it your hobbie.....say you want to spend a bit of money and some regular time on your RE hobbie...
That shouldn't seem too unrealistic, especially if she has a hobby or two that she enjoys as well.
Tough situation. Good luck.
MIKE --
Have you thought able starting on a smaller scale for investment property first ... then work your way to the 4-plex.
I am talking about buy, fix-up, and re-sale mobile homes in parks. A lot of people of making money in that area of investment properties.
This website has a mobile home forum. Read some of the posts there.
There are probably some mobile home parks close to your where you live that your wife may like that idea better than 1500 miles away and you living in the rehab home while you are fixing it up. That might be one of the reasons turning her off to your whole rehab business dream.
Cheryl Lopez[ Edited by cheryllopez on Date 08/01/2004 ]
I can totally empathize with your situation. Fortunately, I have an extremely supportive husband that does light rehab work and was able to quit his job last November. He actually quit his full-time job before I did.
A friend of mine wants so badly to get started in REI but her husband won't allow her to tap into their home equity (about $200k worth). I gave her some advice and told her to read books about REI in front of him. After a couple of months doing this, he would start asking questions time to time. At the same time, I told her to start birddogging. She picked up a some pretty good money doing this. After her husband saw how easily she was making this money, he was ready to support her.
[addsig]
Money may be helpful in this life, but remember....money will not hug you back at the end of a long day. Love is a lot more rewarding than money ever will be. I can show you a lot of very rich people that are in fact extremely miserable. Are you serious about driving 1,500 miles to buy these houses? It cannont possibly be worth it. Destroying your family cannot be worth $5,000.